I'm getting a little frustrated with this whole weight loss thing. I know it takes time and patience and consistency, and a lot of times I just take every day in stride with my eyes on the prize. But some days, like today for instance, I am angry and I feel impatient. I just want to be skinny for once in my life and part of me is afraid that such a thing is impossible. That part is louder today than the part that knows I can do anything. I woke up today, looked in the mirror, and scrutinized myself as usual, but instead of seeing positive things all I saw were my flaws. I'm afraid that I've hit a plateau. I'm afraid maybe I'm not eating enough calories, but what if I am, and then I add more calories, and then I gain weight!? I am just a little lost on what I should do. I got down to 141.5 before passover, but now I'm back up to 143! Is it possible that I really ate THAT much?! I write down my calories every day and I eat an exclusively vegetarian diet, eating fruits and vegetables, only whole grains, plenty of fiber and protein. I exercise so hard at least 5 days a week, now always between 40 minutes to 2 hours a day! The only thing I drink is water (well, and coffee). I can jog further than ever before. I have a better fitness level than anyone I know. So why am I still fat!? I am just so sick of my body. No wonder I was never skinny before. How frustrating can something be?! If I have such control over what I look like, then why do I not look how I want? I'm not giving up, but I just wish I knew if I was doing something wrong so that I could change it. At this point I would take almost any advise. All I do is watch talk shows about weight loss tips and watch reality shows about people trying to lose weight. You'd think all this would help me somehow, but I feel stuck.
I guess I need a game plan. I need to add a lot more weight training, and go back to intervals. Maybe I need more vegetables??? Less carbs? Argh, who knows!? I think I would be satisfied at 135, but 130 would be even better. The problem is i'm so short that even the smallest amount of extra weight looks HORRIBLE on me because it doesn't have a lot of room to spread out. If only I was at least taller! I just want to look good in clothes, goddamnit. Is that too much to ask!? I want to wear actual shorts. I want to be able to wear a tight shirt and not be pulling it off me constantly, and walking around with my arms crossed over my stomach in shame. It's all just not happening fast enough.
I think I need to chill. It's only been 2 months that i've been doing this. Deep breaths. Lol.
I know how you feel! It feels so good to see your weight go down, and then so frustrating when you plateau! Every day you skimp and suffer, and see no results, it makes you want to give up!
ReplyDeleteJust stick with it. The weight will continue falling. I wish it was a simple X calories = Y pounds thing that was as reliable as clockwork, but it's not. In the long run, it works though. Stick with it and you'll see.
(Also consider recalculating your calorie goal -- the less you weigh, the lower the number needs to be.)